Venting

Literally, this post is pretty much going to be entirely venting. You’re welcome to stick around and read if you like, but there will likely be nothing insightful or meaningful tonight. You have been warned.

—–

In 45 minutes, it will be Friday! Hallelujah! I think with each week that goes by, Friday becomes more of a celebration. I have even begun using the term “Friday Eve” to describe Thursdays. It’s getting pretty sad. I rush through my work week, anxious for the week to be over to have two days of “rest” where I don’t have to worry about anything…work related, that is.

Some days, I can’t tell if I am truly happy where I am. I mean, I like my job and I am very thankful to have it. Not to sound like an ungrateful swine or anything, but there are a few things that I truly think are making me unhappy. I’m not miserable, but I’m not ecstatic either. I drag myself out of bed, drag myself out to my car, drag myself into work, (sprint out the door for my lunch break), drag myself back to my desk, drag myself around the office, then fly out the door as soon as the clock hits 5:00…

  1. I am literally the only woman in my office. Which doesn’t bother me except for the fact that I really do miss having lady conversation with other ladies (not that I consider myself to really be ladylike, but that’s beyond the point). I’m not explaining to my male coworkers that I’m tired because a pain in my abdomen kept me from getting comfortable and going to sleep. as a matter of fact, most of the time I shrug off any questions and throw in a quick “I’m fine” hoping that will suffice. Not just at work either–pretty much all of the time.
  2. I realized I know very very little when it comes to the IT field. Don’t get me wrong, I still enjoy it and I most certainly gain a sense of satisfaction when I run into something that I know exactly how to correct. Problem is, I’m not there for help desk work; I’m a temp employee, for one. Second, I’m supposed to be the inventory specialist. I cannot tell you how frustrating it feels to have to explain to the people that call me with off-the-wall problems that I don’t. do. that. I’m not supposed to be taking these “help desk” or “troubleshooting” tickets, but somehow I keep getting stuck with them. Which brings me to number…
  3. I feel ashamed to ask for help. Okay, that’s pretty much me in a nutshell. I will stand on my tip-toes and stretch my arm out as far as it will go–heck, I’ll even climb on the bottom shelf–but I’ll be darned if I’m going to ask anyone to help me reach that item on the top shelf! Self explanatory, right?
  4. And when I do muster up the courage to ask for help (sometimes I do get it), but often times I find myself being ignored or the person I am reaching out to becomes frustrated at me. Even though it’s obvious that no one has had the time to train me for help desk work, yet. I think I’m just supposed to sort of know what I’m doing enough to get me by, but for the most part turn these tickets down. Which makes me look lazy to the rest of the group, at least the ones who are located in other parts of the state that don’t hear the sheer frustration I do when I try to figure something out myself. At least, that’s what my anxiety makes me feel.
  5. Did I mention that I’m a temp? I want to pray to be hired as a permanent employee, yet at the same time, I realize that I more than likely wouldn’t be any happier if that were to happen. Again, not ungratefully so either. I want to be very clear: I am grateful for my job and am very blessed to be where I am.

So besides all of that, let me jump straight into another vent: My husband’s job pretty much screwed him over. So not only am I an unhappy temp, but my husband is now a very unhappy and very irate “co-manager.” Long story short…

  1. Meat department manager left for another job
  2. My hubby gets two month “trial period” before (we assumed) he would be receiving full manager position + pay raise that is well over-due for a position such as this one with the amount of experience he has.
  3. After two months are up, hubby is informed that instead of making him manager and giving him manager pay, they’re going to make him “co-manager” with a guy that he trained just a little over a year and a half ago. Other guy gets charge of fresh meat and butchering. Hubby gets lunch meat, still no authority, and the “assurance” of a very little raise. Oh, did I mention that the guy that HE trained personally is now pretty much above him?
  4. So, the hubby is understandably quite irked. I know exactly how it feels to have an employer pretty much screw you over. But this…this is just flat out WRONG. After all he has done for that store…

Moving on…

Quite literally, actually. In case I did not mention this tiny detail previously, we have to move by the end of April. Long story short, we’re well over income limit for the place we’re living and currently have nowhere to go but back with my husband’s grandparents, where we lived for the first three years of our son’s life. It really sucks, because we make too much to get help, but we still make too little to actually live without going broke every other month. But I’m not looking to step on any toes right at this moment, so I will save this particular vent for another day.

Also, we’re looking at buying a house. But we’ve never bought anything before, not really bought. We have no clue what we’re doing. This is really going to be a leap of faith. Our largest purchase was a $1,400 mistake car that I bought off of Facebook. The current cars we have now were gifts. My hubby has the same car he had in high school (and I’m currently on my fourth–second I actually own–but we won’t go into that either).

Also, in case you were unaware: anxiety is a real pain in the neck. And it’s really been hitting me a lot lately (no wonder!). To go along with the anxiety, I’m pretty sure the heightened anxiety, insomnia, vertigo, etc. that I’ve been feeling for the past few weeks is linked to a Cymbalta withdrawal. It did not occur to me previously and I even kept a follow-up visit with my doctor after some blood tests that the unusual sensations I was feeling could be linked to stopping the medication. (I stopped the medication with my psychiatrist’s advice before you think I just upped and quit cold turkey).

Insomnia is a pain in the neck, too, and it would really be nice if I could lay down and go to sleep sometime before midnight. So brain, if you could just stop with the racing thoughts and actually let my tired body and tired mind just friggin’ SLEEP, I’d greatly appreciate it.

Stomach issues are returning again and we thought this would begin to sort itself out after finally being off of antibiotics and taking both a probiotic and fiber supplement every day. I won’t go into details, but I have I.B.S. (look it up). I just can’t feel 100%. Ever.

This one is going to be a little more personal (and a little bit T.M.I.). Back in either July or August, I was working as a cashier (at the same grocery store that just screwed my hubby over, but that’s beyond the point) when I started experiencing abdominal pains. Not just any pain, but an unusual pain. Sometimes so bad that all I wanted to do was lie down in the floor. Sharp, stabbing pains that would come with seemingly no warning.

After a visit to a new doctor, she suspected that I had an ovarian cyst and sent me to the hospital with an ultrasound order. They did find one about a centimeter in diameter and I was given a birth control prescription to get it to go away. Occasionally, I did feel the pains again, but it eventually lay dormant for quite some time–until most recently.

—–

I’m seriously getting so tired right now, I’m going to make myself stop and cut this thing short. Melatonin tablet is finally kicking in. But my head is still spinning in circles.

 

 

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s