I have been able to focus at all today, at least on my work and other important tasks.
All last night and all day today, my mind has been focused on one thing. No matter the way I try and direct my thoughts, they somehow find a way to turn right back around to this…one thing. At work, I am presented with a task; I get to work on said task–>I temporarily forget about this one thing–>soon after completing the task, my mind goes straight back to this one thing.
Everything I see. Everything I feel. Everything I hear. Somehow my mind is taking everything and focusing all of its attention on this one thing.
Before I went to bed last night, I prayed to God–desperately pleading Him to send me a sign, as I have so done before. While I slept, I dreamed. I dreamed about this one thing. I dreamed of one possible outcome. Is this the sign I prayed for? I cannot be sure. Before I finally laid down my head and squeezed my eyes shut in a vain attempt to sleep, I had spent quite a good deal of time browsing the internet about this one thing.
I crave information. I feel like I never have enough. I am so insecure that I feel I must check at least a dozen web sites; usually they all tell me the exact same thing. Once I get started, it spreads like wildfire and before I know it, I’ve been browsing for at least a couple of hours. I’ve wasted so much time reading the same things over and over again and still don’t feel any better, or any more confident.
This one thing is driving me crazy.
My mind plays through different scenarios–creating scenes and events that haven’t even remotely happened yet. Things that may never happen in the first place.
God, please make this stop. Ease my heart. Give me peace. Take this one thing off of my mind so that I may be able to sleep…focus…function.