Thirteen

Thirteen. That is the number of pills I have been taking each day. No, I do not plan on going into any specific detail of the medications that I take. That would be long, boring, and tedious–for both of us. I will say this: none of these are medications that would kill me if I stopped taking them. Though at least one or two might make me feel like I’m dying if I were to stop.

This is ridiculous. I am twenty-three years old. I have no reason to be taking so many pills. So how did this all get started? How did I get so deep into this pill-popping mess?

Along with the thirteen pills (and nasal spray) comes a variety of doctors and medical specialist who I have been seeing regularly for some sort of health concerns. There’s my main healthcare provider: my general practitioner. Though technically she is only a Nurse Practitioner and not an MD, I do not mind going to see her at all. I am also seeing an Ear, Nose, and Throat specialist and a Gastroenterologist. In a couple of weeks, I will be seeing a psychiatrist, too.

For a while, I struggled with the decision to actually see a psychiatrist. This is one referral that I took after two months of the first recommendation and with the assurance that I could always cancel the appointment should I decide that it was not for me. It has taken a couple more months of waiting to actually get an appointment. Apparently, this guy comes highly recommended. That, in itself, does give me some comfort.

It may be the medication, but I feel like I am starting to move away from the thoughts that there is something horribly wrong with me. I’m sick of the tests. I’m sick of the doctor’s visits. But I am also very sick of the very real physical symptoms that I have been experiencing.

Therefore I have decided to shift my focus to my mental health. I have been praying and praying over this. I don’t want anymore blood work. I don’t want anymore medication. I sure don’t want a colonoscopy! If I fix the stress and the anxiety, the physical symptoms should theoretically be alleviated: fatigue, stomach pains, digestive upset, headaches, body aches, etc.

The truth is, thirteen pills are way too much for one relatively healthy human being. The fact is, a few of them I started taking to help alleviate side effects of other medications. It’s time I decide what I can and cannot live with.

I’m scared to stop taking anything without the help of a medical professional. I’ve pretty much accepted that I’ll be on the anti-anxiety and anti-depressants for quite a while. I have no need for any withdrawal side effects right now.

I plan on easing myself off of some of this medication, with the help of some medical advice and a whole lot of prayer. Honestly, if you are unsure where to turn, turn to God. He will give His people what we need. He will give us His blessed assurance.