Thirteen. That is the number of pills I have been taking each day. No, I do not plan on going into any specific detail of the medications that I take. That would be long, boring, and tedious–for both of us. I will say this: none of these are medications that would kill me if I stopped taking them. Though at least one or two might make me feel like I’m dying if I were to stop.

This is ridiculous. I am twenty-three years old. I have no reason to be taking so many pills. So how did this all get started? How did I get so deep into this pill-popping mess?

Along with the thirteen pills (and nasal spray) comes a variety of doctors and medical specialist who I have been seeing regularly for some sort of health concerns. There’s my main healthcare provider: my general practitioner. Though technically she is only a Nurse Practitioner and not an MD, I do not mind going to see her at all. I am also seeing an Ear, Nose, and Throat specialist and a Gastroenterologist. In a couple of weeks, I will be seeing a psychiatrist, too.

For a while, I struggled with the decision to actually see a psychiatrist. This is one referral that I took after two months of the first recommendation and with the assurance that I could always cancel the appointment should I decide that it was not for me. It has taken a couple more months of waiting to actually get an appointment. Apparently, this guy comes highly recommended. That, in itself, does give me some comfort.

It may be the medication, but I feel like I am starting to move away from the thoughts that there is something horribly wrong with me. I’m sick of the tests. I’m sick of the doctor’s visits. But I am also very sick of the very real physical symptoms that I have been experiencing.

Therefore I have decided to shift my focus to my mental health. I have been praying and praying over this. I don’t want anymore blood work. I don’t want anymore medication. I sure don’t want a colonoscopy! If I fix the stress and the anxiety, the physical symptoms should theoretically be alleviated: fatigue, stomach pains, digestive upset, headaches, body aches, etc.

The truth is, thirteen pills are way too much for one relatively healthy human being. The fact is, a few of them I started taking to help alleviate side effects of other medications. It’s time I decide what I can and cannot live with.

I’m scared to stop taking anything without the help of a medical professional. I’ve pretty much accepted that I’ll be on the anti-anxiety and anti-depressants for quite a while. I have no need for any withdrawal side effects right now.

I plan on easing myself off of some of this medication, with the help of some medical advice and a whole lot of prayer. Honestly, if you are unsure where to turn, turn to God. He will give His people what we need. He will give us His blessed assurance.


3 thoughts on “Thirteen

  1. You are not alone! I started experiencing anxiety and taking anxiety meds when I was 24. I’m 30 now and was recently able to to get off my meds. It is possible to work to get control of your mental health without medication, but the meds were life changing and necessary for me until I was able to gain that control. Don’t give up hope that you can feel better!


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