Sensitive Hearts

I let things get to me way, way too easily. I often find myself soaking in everything around me. The moods. The atmosphere. It’s very easy for me to let someone else’s bad mood ruin my good one. Someone else’s struggles can easily become my burden. I feel deep sympathy for those experiencing greater hardships than I have ever seen. Likewise, I find myself wanting to connect with others whom I feel empathy towards. The people taking anxiety medication. Those who worry way too much. The ones who became parents at such a young age and suffered through bouts of depression at an even younger age.

Recently, I read a post on a blog that I follow here on WordPress about Highly Sensitive People. Apparently, this is really a thing. What a relief it is to know that it isn’t just me! I found myself reading each and every item on this post and making a mental note of the things that do apply to me. It is a wonderful feeling to know when you are not alone.

Last year, I had a friend who I grew to love dearly. The problem was, I let her problems basically become my own. I had so very much on my plate and I was already stuffed full, yet I continued to allow myself to take a spoonful off of hers and add it to mine, as a parent would for a child who had eaten their fill. I wanted so badly to help her. Finally, I had to make myself understand that I had enough going on in my life and I could not take someone else’s weights and add them to my own. I felt–and still do–terribly selfish for thinking in such a way.

As Christians, we need to pray for others. Our family, our friends, our neighbors, our authorities, and even our enemies. That’s exactly what I did. I prayed for her. I continue to pray for her.

I don’t truly know how to help. I’m a terrible person to ask for advice. Even when I seem to have good advice, I rarely take it for myself. I can be an ear. I can be a shoulder. I can send up prayers. I can worry myself to the point of nearly having an anxiety attack when I know that someone else is hurting.

Today, a church caught on fire. Yes, I know that happens nearly every day. Yes, it happens everywhere. And it is happening more often now, it seems. Or perhaps it is happening closer to home. It scares me. My heart aches for the members of this church family. I do not know any of them, to my immediate knowledge. I cannot imagine the grief that they are feeling to have lost their church building. Thankfully, it seems, no one was inside at the time and everyone was safe and accounted for.

Last week, I posted about having some strange dreams lately. Often times, these dreams will bother me for days–sometimes longer–as I contemplate their meaning to try desperately to remember a forgotten detail. Well, one of the dreams that came to mind as I wrote this post was of my own church burning down. I walked among the ashes and the ruins. But it did not look like my church. The building had many aspects that my own church does not. The building was perched near the edge of a mountain, of sorts. That is, if I am remembering this detail correctly.

I remember one particular dream that I had at least two years ago, if not more. I don’t quite remember how long ago it was because it feels as if I just had the dream last night. The secret meaning behind this dream still haunts me, as well as some other dreams that were somewhat related to this one. But this one has really got me. It has had my mind racing at 100mph and thinking things that I knew good and well that I should not be thinking. I will not go into any details. Someday, I may choose to share this. I feel as if it would be more appropriate to share with someone in real life before I share here. Perhaps I will share this with my therapist, when I feel the time is right.

Alas, I have let my mind wander from one point to the next. My fingers dance across the keys with each new thought that comes to mind. It is so easy to write when I get into this zone, of sorts. It doesn’t always make sense right away, but I often find if I re-read a couple of times, I can find something that I can again make sense of.

Please, if anything in this post speaks to you in any way, I want to know. Comment if you too are a highly sensitive person. Leave an encouraging message, or a prayer for those who are heavy on my heart right now. Let me know if you can relate in any way.

And with that, I believe I am finally off to bed.

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