I Just Wanted to Say…

…what a blessing it is to be surrounded by God’s amazing grace.

For a few days now, I have had the strangest urge to try to track down some of my old writing. Back in the day (specifically, high school) I used to write quite a lot. I actually started writing when I was around nine years old–in the fourth grade. I used to type my stories in Microsoft Word ’97 and save them to floppy disks. I cannot tell you how many floppy disks I had used for my writing. Those were the days. After the floppy disks, I moved to Quizilla and changed my writing genre to mostly fan-fictions. Quizilla used to be a web site just for people to create quizzes until so many people had begun to write actual stories that they decided to incorporate more writing features for short stories and poetry. After Quizilla, I moved to Mibba. Quizilla, unfortunately no longer exists as it did and is now owned by MTV, it seems. Such a shame. I had so much writing there. Mibba is still around and I so happened to track down my old account where I had begun three short stories.

I almost smiled when I discovered some relics of my past still existed on the internet, until I remembered exactly what they contained. I am almost ashamed at some of the things I wrote, for one.

I feel as if I am also able to take a peek into my sixteen-year-old mind again. I can clearly see the emotions I was feeling plain as day in my writing.

You see, I went through an “emo” phase that started sometime when I was in middle school. I cannot pinpoint the exact time that this phase of my life begun, but I know that when I was eleven and in the sixth grade, some things had happened that cause me to change. A lot.

I used to be a happy-go-lucky kid. I had friends. I had fun. I smiled a great deal of the time and generally enjoyed my life. I don’t remember exactly what happened to change that; all I know was that a series of events lead me deeper and deeper down a dark path that I am ashamed to say today that my feet even begun to walk down.

I kept going further down that path, not knowing how to tell my feet to stop. People surrounded me, trying to reach across from the outside and pull me back out. I now realize that at the time, I was much too young. My feet had barely learned to direct themselves, it seems, before they were immediately directed down the wrong path. Bear in mind, will you, that I was only eleven.

Long story short, things inside of my head were starting to go awry. I spent the next several years of my life in that horrible frame of mind. I was depressed. I had begun writing angsty song lyrics. I started wearing different clothes and liking different things. I went from Hilary Duff straight to Green Day, just to give you a frame of mind of where I was coming from and where I went.

I may still have problems with depression, anxiety, and stress today, but I am nowhere as bad now as I was then. There’s a great big difference between the me back then and the me now: Christ.

He has saved my life. He has died for me, so that I may live. He has taken away my sins.

I am forgiven.

And for that, I am truly grateful.

——–

I may find some way to share this writing on my blog sometime in the future. I feel as if there is some way to resurrect these stories and change them from the screaming angsty teen emo that they currently are and turn them into something much, much better. Somehow, I want to take these characters and change them.

Even though this is all fictional writing and the characters are figments of my imagination, these are still real things that people go through. I sincerely hope that I will be able to tame the current amount of stress in my life and find the time to change these characters into a testimony. I want to show my readers that they can take these stories and apply it to their lives. I want them to see struggling characters survive and strive because of Christ.

Even though I still struggle, I’m still alive. Alive because of Christ.

Right now, I am taking deep breaths. No, this isn’t another panic attack. This is me finally realizing something: I think I know how God wants me to be a testimony onto others.

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