The more broke you are, the more light gets through

This could never be more true.

What a beautiful image. Sometimes it takes the most broken human beings you can find to show God’s mercy, His grace, and His love. Amazing, isn’t it?

I just had to share this song. I may share more songs in the future. I needed a break from all of the negativity I have been posting. I did not create this blog to be another negative space on the internet. This is a journal, however, and sometimes life doesn’t always seem positive. (And if you don’t understand that and you are one of these people that believes you have to be happy 100% of the time no matter what, you don’t have to read.)

I’ve been going through some ups and downs. I’ve been struggling with my faith. For example: Just a couple of days ago we were going down the road following a friend to a fair. My husband was praying to God to keep us safe on the way there and lead us home safely. Right after that, the guy we were following comes to a large, busy intersection where the stoplight has just turned yellow. He starts to go through, but then suddenly decides he doesn’t want to after all (and he tells us this afterwords…). His vehicle stopped on a dime. My 1996 Ford Explorer did not; my husband slammed on the brakes but still tapped the back of his bumper. I screamed. The friend in the car in front of us motioned out the window that he was alright, and when the light turned green again, we drove on through the intersection and pulled off in a parking lot. Luckily no one (including our five-year-old in the backseat) was hurt and there was no damage to either vehicle. His had a small scuff on the bumper and the license plate holder on the front of mine was slightly warped. If there was a plate there, the metal would have scratched his more and the plate would have more than likely been ruined. What was there was a piece of plastic and all it did was bounce off of the back bumped of the car in front of us.

At first, I did thank God that we were all okay. But then as we drove on towards the fair, I started thinking terrible thoughts: “Why did this happen right after we just prayed for our safety.” Both my husband and I were feeling very discouraged. He has recently started reading his Bible more and, thanks to my new job, I am now able to attend Wednesday night service where I work with the kids’ program. (We had also had a similar and highly discouraging experience a couple of years ago when we tried to do a door-to-door program that our church was hosting, but I won’t go into that story right now). Why is it that such “bad luck” always seems to happen to us when we are trying harder to be closer to God?

I am trying my best right now to handle what life has thrown at me (some of which is described in a previous post) with an appropriate, Christian attitude. To be honest, that’s really difficult when it feels like you’re caught in the middle of a raging storm. Maybe the medication is still making me almost numb, but I am still feeling very overwhelmed. Occasionally while sitting at my desk or waiting at the stoplight, that intense overwhelming feeling comes over me and I put my hand to my forehead and breathe an exasperated sigh. I still have way too much stress.

That’s okay. God really did make us glow in the dark. He made us shine like a burning star. All of this so that we may be a testimony to others. I hope that if nothing else, that sentence right there is what you take away from this post.


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