Doors

Lately, I’ve been having a lot of experience with doors. Closet doors breaking, running into doors… Okay, not really like that. I have been working on allowing God to shut some doors and waiting patiently for Him to open new ones. I am pleased to say that one very important door has finally been opened.

I start a new job next Tuesday. This will be my first five days a week 8-5 job, so I am both excited and nervous. This is not only a door opening for me, but also the beginning of a new chapter in my life. Finally, I feel like an adult (even if I don’t always act like one).

As a result of this new door opening, I treated myself to some shopping today… A.K.A. Goodwill. 🙂 I purchased two new tops, a pair of khaki pants, a snowman pillow for my son (who is obsessed with snowmen), two nice pairs of jeans for my son, and three books. I was in great luck that I found a Precious Moments Bible there for him as well. It is in good condition save for a small marker mark on the cover and, of course, the inside page has been filled out. I find it interesting to read such things. The Bible was presented in 1998. I wonder how long it stayed with that child before it made its way onto the bookshelf at Goodwill before the unsuspecting mother (played by me) came along and picked it up. Perhaps I think to much in retrospect. I do think too much. But in a world full of people who think too little, I don’t think being an over-thinker is such a bad thing.

Knocking on an Old Door:

Back on the subject of doors, this new one finally came after I spent months and months continually knocking on the same door that kept slamming shut in my face. Pathetically, I was horribly upset that I had been let go from my previous part-time job at a community college due to “budget issues.” Without going into a long, detailed rant (we may save that for another day), I will say that things did not go as planned and I did not get the job back, as I was initially promised. I grieved about it for weeks. I moped around. I whined about how unfair it was (and it was quite unfair, but that’s life). I prayed for God to let me have the job back because it’s the one I wanted. I loved the job. I loved the people I worked with. To me, it seemed perfect.

Finally, however, when I stopped praying for God to let me have the job back, I started praying that I would find another job at the same exact place. I did end up applying for another full-time job there and was heartbroken when I was rejected without so much as an interview. Again, I will not go into any long rants here, but I was again feeling as if it was truly unfair. I wasn’t even given a chance. So after that, I became bitter. I didn’t need to keep trying to please them. If they didn’t want me, I didn’t want them. This was not the first time I felt bitterness towards the situation, but the bitterness was so strong that I admittedly said and felt some things I regret. I was still grieving.

I continued to apply for jobs elsewhere. I had an interview that I was so sure went very well, but I did not get the job. I sent in applications that lead me nowhere. I began to lose faith and want to give up. Then, my husband’s car blew the transmission. We began to realize we were both going to be racking up medical bills. I became desperate and again submitted one more application for a position at the same college. While I have yet to receive any sort of feedback for said application, it doesn’t matter. I can finally say that I have moved on. I don’t feel the need to stay tied down to familiar places and familiar people. Being trapped inside of this box was holding me back. When I was finally able to push the box open, and look outside of it, right there a new door was waiting for me. And that door opened wide for me to step through.

I could not be more grateful to God for this opportunity He had given me and I pray that although I will never be perfect, that I will live up to His expectations (and mine as well) and, for lack of better words, do this job very well. I’m feeling a mixture of excitement and anxiety all at once.

There’s no stopping now.

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